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Post by Ivrick S. Mendella on Oct 8, 2012 19:32:43 GMT -8
Okay, so I'll start this off by saying I'm writing this for my ex. I found a serpent necklace at the fair. It was made of glass, and it's his favorite colors - blue and black. It caught my eye, despite it being thirty dollars. Reminded me of him immediately. So, I bought it for him, and wrote the follow poem so he'd know why it reminded me of him. Please tell me what you guys think. I'm really worried about giving this to him... He doesn't know about it yet. He won't know until I give it to him in a few days, maybe a few weeks. So, I need all the feedback from you guys I can get!!
His eyes could hypnotize
There's hell behind his words
And while he tells no lies
Sometimes his words still hurt
Laced with venom
But with intent of truth
The serpent fell for an angel
Whom beneath his hold broke
As the serpent wraps her in his warm embrace
The angel finally feels at home; she feels safe
However this bliss came to an end as the serpent let go
Now the angel is alone, with no where to go
She comes back to the serpent
Every night and every day
To see how he is doing without her
The results all stay the same
Now the angel is at the edge
And the serpent edges her towards the ledge
Without him she cannot live
And so at the cliff, her life brutally ends
If only he could have seen
Just what she would have done for him
Things may have been different
Things may have been easier for everyone
Now the serpent is at the edge
Her death edges him toward the ledge
Without her he cannot live
And so at the cliff, his life brutally ends
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Post by Max Guevara on Oct 10, 2012 8:14:34 GMT -8
Ivrick that's awesome, you lay it right out there. I suggest you go through with the delivery!
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Post by Cole Peyton on Oct 10, 2012 10:20:43 GMT -8
Wow you're an excellent writer...
To give you a guy's honest opinion, if my ex wrote me something like that I'd have mixed feelings about it. I interpreted it as saying "I have a strong connection with you, despite the past." (whether thats what you intended or not, thats what I got out of it). However, reading that would get me thinking, especially those first two paragraphs, about how exactly my words had "hell behind them." I'd keep trying to figure out if this necklace was a symbol of my "venom" or if it was your way of sending a "peace" (for lack of a better word) message.
Ultimately, I'd be inclined to have a light hearted discussion with you to talk specifically about this, and then talk about our future.
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Post by *IVRICKtheGREAT on Oct 10, 2012 10:49:53 GMT -8
I may go through with it tonight! Though now, I feel differently. It's odd, but after the weekend and a few days of constantly coming up with him on my mind, I'm finally over him, though I'm still going to give it to him. I told myself it would either be as part of a "parting gift" or "a gift of love." Right now, it's a parting gift because I think I've finally locked my feelings for him in the back of my mind where they don't shine through.
And thank you, Cole. :3 And that was the message that I had in mind. I believe that I may tell him that it's because we were always better as just best friends, not a couple. So, tonight may mean the end of the only thing that has bothered and ate away at me for months, which is honestly a huge relief.
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Post by Lieutenant General John Frost on Oct 10, 2012 22:04:11 GMT -8
nice xD
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Post by *IVRICKtheGREAT on Oct 11, 2012 12:41:19 GMT -8
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